


in time, you will be alright

by morthael



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Frottage, M/M, Mild Smut, i got embarrassed writing this, starts out sad ends up fluffy and there's smut in between thanks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 04:35:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4421579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morthael/pseuds/morthael
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Divergence: Kaneki didn't lock his door, and Hide brought the Asian history notes early.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in time, you will be alright

**Author's Note:**

> i was rereading the manga; the scene right after Kaneki attempted to stab himself was him wandering the streets and begging Touka for help. did Hide arrive? did Kaneki take the notes, and pretend he was fine?
> 
> [tumblr link](http://ithinkiwasborntomeetyou.tumblr.com/post/125014299809/in-time-you-will-be-alright)

Once, when Kaneki was very young, his mother took him to the sea; the waves and currents there were terrifying, fast and swirling. He almost drowned there, the water pulling him under, too strong for his small form. His body feels like it’s been through a battle with the ocean now, fully clothed, his shirt clinging damply to his cold skin, his arms and legs shivering and weak. His ribcage heaves and gasps, the curled knife lies calmly on the ground, taunting.

His eye pulses in its socket, a sharp throb that isn’t painful, but Kaneki would much prefer feeling pain: here, now, against his kidneys. But there’s only a scratch that closes lazily leaving unmarred skin, save the ugly scar.

Kaneki can’t tell how long he lies there, shuddering on cold, cold floorboards, chill creeping in from every point of contact. Numbly, he can only blink as droplets blot his vision, pooling briefly in black and fiery red before slipping across the bridge of his nose, leaving a freezing trail. He tracks every tear until his eyes dry, and then he only lies, breathing shallowly.

And then the door buckles with unbridled energy from outside, and slams open.

“Kanekiiiiiiiii?”

Sluggishly, Kaneki struggles to his forearms, each muscle twitching in protest as if overused. Something’s there, striding in great big strides towards him. The fog clears, he sees a worn bag strap and bright yellow hair, and ice rams through his heart. Kaneki surges up and back, a gasp tearing itself through his throat as he wildly retreats, windmilling, hands scrabbling to his face – to hide his face. The knife skitters away in betrayal, Kaneki’s head hits the wall. He sees stars, lurches downwards and covers himself.

“Kaneki, what’s wrong? What’s going on?” Hide’s too far forward too fast, and Kaneki cringes back on himself.

“Don’t, don’t,” he croaks out, trembling hand rising as if to deflect Hide’s too curious gaze. “Don’t come closer. Please, Hide.”

A whoosh of movement, and Hide’s bag thuds onto his bed. The notes, Kaneki thinks dully. He was too slow – Hide arrived before he could move, before he could laugh and take the notes and pretend he was _fine and_ –

Hide’s hand touches his clammy one, gently wrapping around it. The heat from his palm almost infuses his with warmth, and Hide holds tighter.

“You know you can tell me what’s wrong, right?” he asks carefully. His voice is low, the same soothing murmur that Hide would use to calm a frightened animal. “We’re best friends, Kaneki. Come on. Why’re you hiding your face?”

Kaneki wordlessly shakes his head, face still pressed to the ground. Hide’s coming closer, other hand on his shoulder pressing warmth, and Kaneki _can’t_ fight against him when he’s like this, but he can’t tell him either, he can’t _show_ him because then…

He doesn’t struggle when Hide heaves him upright, his arm falling limply and his eyes screwed shut. His nose feels blocked, and he breathes unsteadily through his mouth.

“Kaneki, open your eyes.” Both of Hide’s hands are on his shoulders now, he’s kneeling down in front of him, and his voice is equal parts stern and pleading. Tears build up hotly between Kaneki’s squeezed shut eyelids. No, _no,_ he says silently, knowing Hide can hear it through his bowed head and gasping sighs.

Hide’s fingers move, brushing up the sides of his neck, fingertips just nestling in Kaneki’s hair. He blows out a breath, draws closer. “Please. Kaneki,” he murmurs, curling his fingers just slightly. “Whatever it is, it’s fine. I’m here, so we’ll be fine.”

Kaneki swallows thickly. “You don’t know that, Hide,” he says hoarsely. He barely holds back the breath at fingers playing with the ends of his hair, shivers once more. “You – should go. It’s dangerous, _I’m_ dangerous, you should just – go!” Already, he can feel a tiny clench in his stomach, a tightening of muscle that twinges emptily through him. He prays, prays hard that Hide leaves because he’s a monster and he’s hungry, so it’s not safe at all to be with him –

“I’m not going anywhere, Kaneki,” Hide says and there’s a bit of heat behind his words. A lot of heat. “I don’t care if it’s dangerous. I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong!”

What does it matter, Kaneki thinks in despair. He wasn’t trying to protect Hide from him anyway. He just didn’t want Hide to see him, and know. And run. But Hide – too persuasive, too curious Hide – is too strong for him.

He opens his eyes miserably, one grey and one pitch black and red, waiting for those warm hands to disappear from his neck.

“Hey. What’s that?” Hide murmurs. His hand tracks down, brushes away the wetness beneath the horrific eye. Kaneki shakes, and Hide’s thumb moves back and forth, slowly, gently.

Kaneki seizes his wrist. “I’m a ghoul,” he blurts it out, the words rushing out as if they’re a band-aid ripped quickly off. “Ever since – since Rize, the accident, I can’t eat, I can’t eat food – but I’m so hungry, so I – “ his gaze flickers to the knife, and Hide’s eyes follow his – he sees it, curled and cold, and he breathes sharply.

“You tried to kill yourself?” his voice is high-pitched, raw. Kaneki shakes his head wildly, eyes wide.

“No, I wasn’t – the knife, it was to take the kidneys out, they’re transplanted – they’re the cause, so I had to take them – if I missed, _you’d_ be here, or maybe I’d bleed out and then I wouldn’t be so, so hungry – ” Kaneki breaks off at the admission, shocked at himself, shocked at what he’s saying to _Hide,_ who knows he’s a ghoul now but _still isn’t moving._

Who lets out a breathy laugh and touches his too-cold hands again. “You thought I’d just ditch you because you’ve got a funky eye now?” Hide whispers. “You thought I’d run away because you’re some kind of half-ghoul?” He punches Kaneki lightly in the shoulder.

“You’re so full of shit,” he says, fondly, and holds Kaneki’s pale cheeks in his hands as he leans forward and kisses him, a feather light touch to his lips.

Kaneki jerks, wild eyed like a cornered animal. “I’m not!” he chokes out, pushing back at Hide for real this time. “Stop joking with me! Leave!” A final shove leaves Hide sprawling back across the floor, and Kaneki’s stomach lurches as he looks disbelievingly at his hands.

Hide’s hurt look as he sits back up tears at Kaneki, and he’s limp, not trusting himself to move as the other boy storms over and sits right back down in front of him.

“I’m not joking with you,” Hide says quietly. His brow is creased in a frown, but he does his best to smooth it out, reaching out to touch Kaneki’s face again. “I’m with you for life, Kaneki, I…no matter what, I’m here.” He looks hesitant to move forward, and Kaneki swallows, and looks up into Hide’s eyes for the first time. They’re warm and sincere, and halfway to the brim with tears. Kaneki moves instead, angling forward tentatively. And when Hide smiles, the timidness lessens, and Kaneki feels just brave enough to kiss Hide back. It feels right, Kaneki thinks, Hide’s lips wet and warm against his, Hide’s arms wrapping around him in a tight hug as he lowers them to the ground, the heat of his skin taking away the bite of the floor. Kaneki’s never kissed another person before but Hide tastes sweet and kind and when his mouth opens to tenderly swipe at his Kaneki moans, a breathy little sigh. He blushes straight away though, eyes flying open from where they were half-lidded, and Hide raises his head just enough to lick his lips and grin. His cheeks are also heated, and he bends down to press his nose against Kaneki’s.

“Mm, how was it?” Hide asks, pushing up again so he’s not talking to Kaneki’s nose. (Although he really wouldn’t mind talking to the nose, he thinks Kaneki’s eyes deserve a little love and care at the moment, and so he presses a kiss down on each one. Kaneki shuts his eyes in time, bemused, embarrassed, and tearful all at once.)

“You taste really good,” Kaneki says, and looks disturbed at the revelation. “That’s not good. Ghouls eat _humans_ , Hide! We should – stop.”

Hide brushes at Kaneki's fringe. “Well, I thought you tasted pretty good, too,” he offers. He pokes at his stomach. “And I don't think I have any ghoul-y organs in me, either. Guess that means we're fine.”

Kaneki squirms. Hide swoops down and presses a few more kisses to Kaneki's mouth; Kaneki kisses back fervently, then looks devastated.

“Come on, Kaneki,” Hide sighs. “You're my best friend and I trust you not to eat me while I'm kissing you.”

Kaneki makes a pained face. Hide smells the same as ever – like grass and the warm comfort of home – and he doesn't _feel_ the urge to bite him, but so much has happened and he's scared that something will happen, that Hide will get hurt. He bites his lip. Hide's never kissed him before, and it's good, but _oh..._

Hide leans over him and touches his lips briefly to Kaneki's nose. “You're making that face you make when you're thinking too hard,” he informs Kaneki. Then, his voice turns pleading: “Come on. I haven't seen you in weeks! Let me kiss you some more.”

Kaneki groans and lets him, feels Hide's lips brush against his again, tongue sliding wet and hot, a bit deeper, saliva spreading out across his chin.  _Gross_ , he thinks, but pulls Hide closer, winding his arms around his back and pressing his body as close as he can. Hide's hips jar against his, and then there's something hard and hot pressing against him - 

“Hide,” Kaneki gasps, and Hide breaks away, gulping air with a blush crawling around his face. Kaneki rocks upwards, a tiny nudge, and Hide lets out a tiny moan, pressing hard against him. Then, he catches himself, chuckling breathlessly, pausing into stillness atop Kaneki. 

“That was, um, unexpected,” Hide says, and awkwardly shifts on top of him. Slowly, Kaneki unhooks his arms from around him, and puts his hands on Hide's chest, pushing lightly.

“There's...uh... a bed,” Kaneki informs Hide equally awkwardly of the furniture less than a metre away from the both of them. Hide's throat bobs in a thoughtful swallow, and then he rises with vigour, pulling Kaneki with him. 

Kaneki grabs Hide's hands and pushes him down, kicking his book bag to the side. It falls off the edge of the bed with a sad thump, and Asian history notes sprawl out. Hide doesn't notice; he's too busy sucking in a great big breath as Kaneki brings Hide's hand closer, his mouth ghosting over the knuckles, lips gentle. Hide's hand is warm to touch, fingers curling in satisfaction, reaching to brush against Kaneki's face as Kaneki presses kisses into his palm. 

“Kaneki,” Hide says, and it's more of a stutter with the way his voice cracks. Kaneki releases his hand obligingly, staring down into Hide's brown eyes. Hide's so – gentle and good, he reaches up immediately, adoringly looking back up at him. 

Kaneki closes his eyes, buries his face in Hide's shoulder. “Thank you, Hide,” he says, muffled against Hide's shirt, and he can feel gentle kisses on his ear, Hide's hands tucking away stray strands of hair. “Thank you for...” Hide's hands squeeze his shoulders, and Kaneki lifts his head a bit in question. 

“Love you, Kaneki,” Hide says very sweetly, a silly smile lighting up his face. Kaneki's breath catches. “This is – good.”

Kaneki pushes down, rubbing against Hide. Hide gasps, arching, his hands now simultaneously grasping and boneless. “Better – than – good!” he wheezes, and Kaneki buries himself in Hide's chest, grinding down as Hide starts moving back, a slow, intimate thrust that brings a strangled groan to Kaneki's throat. 

It should be strange, considering Hide's boisterous nature, that he would prefer slow and sweet sex, but somehow, to Kaneki, it fits perfectly. They move rhythmically in tandem with each other, Hide rolling his hips  _just so_ to bring out the most pleasurable shudders from Kaneki; and Kaneki thrusting back, almost growling into Hide's chest, each rolling thrust tearing a shaky breath. 

Not senseless yet, Kaneki pauses, lifts his head. “Wait,” he mouths, but Hide's already stopped, chest quivering with the effort of staying still. 

“Kaneki,” he says tightly, and Kaneki pulls back enough to start pulling at Hide's belt, hands somehow deft enough to undo the whole thing in a second. 

“Oh. _Oh_ ,” Hide tugs at Kaneki's pants as well with all the eagerness of a puppy, pulling the belt-less thing down without further ceremony. Kaneki freezes, naked between hip and knee, hard, and in the middle of throwing Hide's belt to the ground. 

Hide goes cross-eyed. “Um. Cool,” he says stupidly, fiery red to the tips of his ears, and Kaneki pulls at his pants. 

“Not cool,” Kaneki moans, but when Hide pulls him down and wraps a hand around the both of them, all thoughts of (somewhat) coherent speech disappear. 

“Hi-de,” Kaneki says very faintly, and tries to go back to kissing – he misses, landing his lips high up somewhere on Hide's cheek instead. Hide's face is shining – partly with joy, partly with the beads of sweat lining his forehead. Kaneki shakily reaches out to sweep the droplets into his hairline, tangling his hands through messy golden hair, his rhythm stuttering as it becomes too much. He comes with Hide's name passing breathily through his lips, Hide's hand around him, Hide's scent hanging strong in the air. For a fleeting few seconds Kaneki is soaring, wrapped around Hide's comforting presence, embraced by nothing less than the full brunt of love the other boy bears for him. 

Then Hide jerks, twisting underneath him, too overwhelmed to keep moving his hand, and Kaneki joins him, pumping him up and down, tracing his jawline with soft, tender kisses, whispering Hide's name until it sounds like a holy mantra. 

When Hide stops shuddering and his limbs settle down into a weary, limp sort of pleasure, Kaneki pulls himself off and collapses next to him on the too-cramped bed. Hide, even through his languid afterglow, turns immediately to Kaneki and drapes an arm over his side, pulling him close. 

“So...” he whispers furtively, and Kaneki can't help but laugh, the sound bubbling out of his chest. He feels lighter than he has in weeks, like he's flying with Hide next to him. 

“You're the best, Hide,” Kaneki says softly, and even though he's warm from moving so much he's still glad for Hide's proximity, from the natural heat he seems to exude. If he could, he'd take Hide's smile, wrap it around his heart, and take it out to warm him up whenever it got cold. He tells him this, and Hide laughs, his hand gently drawing circles on Kaneki's back. 

“I'm here to stay, no matter what,” he says, and leans forward to rest their foreheads together. Kaneki closes his eyes. The pulsing has gone; he thinks it must have returned to normal by now.

The hunger is still there, though, even if temporarily forgotten in Kaneki's lethargic state. He sighs a little, though. 

“What now?” he says, and he doesn't _want_ to be miserable in Hide's presence, but fear is creeping in. 

Hide presses hard against Kaneki's head. “None of that now,” he says briskly, moving to squeeze Kaneki's hand reassuringly. “We'll work something out. We need to...study ghouls. To see if you're really like them. If there's anything we can do.”

He takes a breath, and holds Kaneki tightly. “If you have to eat, we can do that too. Worst-case scenario, we can find...people who are already dead. Suicide victims.” Hide doesn't look particularly happy about that, but composes himself, looking firmly at Kaneki. “In the meantime, we can find friendly ghouls to help us out.”

Kaneki looks doubtfully at him. “Friendly ghouls?” he says. 

Hide smiles at him; it's like daybreak. “You're the friendliest ghoul I know,” he says back. “So I'm sure we can find others who are just as friendly.” He pauses, leans forward to kiss Kaneki quickly. “I want you to know that you're the only friendly ghoul for me, though.”

Another, tiny-bit hysterical laugh, and Kaneki rearranges their hands to threat together. “I think...I think I know one already,” he says. Hide perks up, interested. “It's Touka.”

“Who?” Hide looks like he'd be scratching his head if his hands weren't occupied. Kaneki stares at him as if he's grown another head.

“Er, you know? Kirishima Touka? From Anteiku?” at Hide's still-blank expression, Kaneki's brow crinkles. “You asked for her name and said she was cute.”

“Ohhhh.” Hide waves their joined hands in the air. “Pssh. You know I'm yours. I already forgot about her. Wait, she's a ghoul?”

Kaneki rolls his eyes despite himself. “I saw her the other day.” Now recalling the terrifying night, he winces. “She's definitely a ghoul.”

Hide hooks a leg around him, drawing Kaneki even closer. “It's a start, Kaneki,” he says, holding Kaneki's hand as tight as he dares. “You're going to be alright.” 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> no continuation. i'd like to think they tread a lighter path here.


End file.
